Sunday, November 23, 2008

Kindling


In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.
-- Albert Schweitzer




My fire isn't burning very brightly the last few days. I'm simply sad.

On Saturday Mike kept checking in with me, literally. He'd look right into my eyes and say he was checking in to see how I was. Not so good right now, sad. He had read my last post early in the morning while I was still sleeping and he asked if I was feeling the effects of that. Sure, reading umpteen reports online about Bush's last stand against the environment did get to me. The nine-year-old twins across the street brought over the three kittens that they've been enchanted with since discovering them with the mother cat under a house. The mother had been left behind when some people down the block moved a few months ago, and the twins' mom said they can keep her and one of the kittens. Mike and I have volunteered to have "Annie" spayed before she can deliver another litter of perfect fluffy kittens into a world that doesn't want them. After they left Mike asked me if I was down because I didn't take one of the kittens. No, I'm being strong about it. We're caring for two large dogs, two indoors cats, three garage cats, and I'm now feeding three strays in the backyard wildlife area each night. But kissing the kittens goodbye made my heart ache.

Then seeing the house next door all lit up with holiday lights Saturday night made my heart ache again, but in a different way. I need that brightness now.....earlier than ever and it doesn't seem commercial or crazy to me in the slightest. I was grateful to them for doing that, for being the first to make a statement......saying what? Who knows exactly why they decorated before Thanksgiving (tastefully, I might add) from the peak of the roof to the pillars near the steps.

I called too late for us to get reservations at the lodge where we so enjoyed Thanksgiving Dinner last year. The woman I spoke with said that 700 people called ahead of me and there was absolutely no more room. I got resos around this same time last year so who knows what happened to stir up such a crowd. She advised me to call next year the second week in October. Mike and I haven't had Thanksgiving Dinner with his folks (40 miles away) for six years. Long story. His mother is trying to repair the rift and sent a card that we received in the mail on Saturday. Mike asked if I was upset by her card. No, it's cute. But we don't belong among them and if it's ever the right thing to do we'll know when that time comes. So after failing with the reservations I went to the store and bought the smallest turkey I could find. I was going to roast one over the coming weekend but now I'll do it on Thanksgiving Day. The dogs will have a great Thanksgiving, most definitely.

I know that this is temporary. Real, but temporary. I know that when the slump has passed I'll be thankful to everyone who helped rekindle my spirit. My helpers today were my husband, the twins, three yummy kittens, and the next-door neighbors whose light was precious in the night.

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(Photo: clipart.com paid subscription)

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12 comments:

Elizabeth said...

I'm sorry to hear about your sadness. It sounds like there are a lot of lights coming into your life when you need them. Hopefully it continues and the sadness lifts.

I have been enjoying the Christmas lights myself. It's a lot more fun to walk on a dark evening when there are brightly colored lights all around. :)

Jennifer said...

I understand feeling sad -- I'm right there with you. We'll be roasting out tofu (or whatever, probably not tofu) as a small family unit on Thanksgiving, the three of us, which is fine, but feels a little bereft. Something is absent. Maybe it's joy.

I hope both of us feel better soon.

Lydia said...

Elizabeth,
I appreciated your comment so much. We did get some outside decorating done today in the sun but didn't turn the lights on yet. And you're right, the dog walk tonight was lots brighter with quite a few homes along our regular walk having decorated this weekend.

Jennifer,
Here's a hug....
I hope we both feel better soon too. Truly, just knowing that you are also experiencing sadness along with me brought tidings of comfort. Guess tidings of joy will find their way....

Don't Feed The Pixies said...

Do you suffer from S.A.D.? (Seasonal Affected Disorder) - as someone who suffers from deep periods of gloom i know its no fun to be struggling with your emotions and not quite understand why - so my thoughts are with you and i hope you feel good soon.

From what i know of you i think you would find painting or photography good for your emotions.

BTW - Cats are supposed to be very good for calming the nerves - so you should be rock solid there! xx

Wayfaring Wanderer said...

Oh dear....I'm sorry you're feeling this way.....but I hope since this last posting you are doing better :o) I'll be thinking about you!


p.s. Maybe talking about someone who has inspired you in the past will help?!?!
Project Inspiration Giveaway

Lydia said...

WW,
Thanks for the support, especially since you are on your vacation! Your latest giveaway sounds interesting and I'll give it some thought.

distracted by shiny objects said...

Hugs to you.xxxxxxxxooooooooo

Lydia said...

Pixies,
Your comments about SAD reminded me to go upstairs and get my light box, which I bought some years ago for this exact reason. I haven't used it for a couple of winters but this one already has hit me harder, so I really appreciate your thoughts.
I've been thinking about taking more pictures with my regular SLR, because the digital (non slr) is frustrating to me.
Yes, cats are the best.



Distracted,
Thank you for the hugs. We can never get too many of those healers.

rachael said...

cheer up, it's a month until christmas (:
i'm sorry you've been feeling down, though. i think that 'Don't Feed The Pixies' is on to something. photography can certainly be a great release sometimes, and i bet the scenery is so picturesque up there at this time of year. i'd love to see how your shots turn out.
i hope that you'll be in better spirits soon and find the joy you've been looking for! and i wish that digital hugs could offer a little more condolence than the words that represent them. but here's at least three anyway (:

Lydia said...

Rachael,
Ah, thanks for the hugs. They do help. What cheered me up lots yesterday was your photo of that little bird! I'm definitely thinking about getting out the camera. I wonder if the digital slr's are as heavy as this Pentax. And to think I hauled it up to the top of Mount St. Helens 14 years ago - not the best idea for an arduous hike/climb!

rachael said...

i wonder if we have the same camera! what model pentax do you have?
i've got my dad's old k1000 and it must be at least 3 pounds with the lens. but my digital nikon slr only weighs 17.6 ounces according to the website!

Lydia said...

Rachael,
I got my camera case out to see if the manual told the weight, as I'd never looked. It says 22.3 oz without lens. I have a big zoom lens and no idea what the weight is. So it's sure not as heavy as your dad's camera, but heavier than your digital nikon slr. Just looked online to see the k1000 and then saw some cases that were made for my Pentax. I've been using a large, bulky, solid-body camera case all these years and I think that if I got one made for this camera it would help a lot. Thanks for nudging me to look at options!

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