Sunday, September 25, 2011

Used: a poem using repetition

Used

Oh, Gilberto, how sweet was your love
when you discovered me –
      in need of one with artist’s hands.
      You were as gentle with our fresh-picked food
                                    as you were with my bruised soul.

When you discovered me –
      ready to laugh and share again.
      (Though it was too soon and I knew it.)

When you discovered me –
      ready and able to love again.
     (It had been too long and I knew it.)

Then you discovered me –
      easy and able to use and use and use and use

and use.
      (I didn't know I was that easy.)

      Now I’m told I’m detached  –
      just detached and uninterested
      in showing interest.

      (My heart makes no room and I know it.)

I’ve become like you with the distance.

                                                                Distant.

MLydiaM -- old poem/revised September 2011


I offer this for Poetics at dVerse, hosted this week by Hedgewitch, who asks us to work Repetition into our poems for this prompt. Her remarkable commentary alone is worth the visit, and then there is the added bonus of reading other poems with repetition.



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23 comments:

Claudia said...

ugh...much pain in this...the starting to love, to trust, but then the being used and used..reminded me of the old eurythmics song "sweet dreams are made of this"

Mary said...

It is hard sometime to know when is the right time to trust / to love. Your poem captured feelings very well.

Fireblossom said...

*sighhhhh*

What a bittersweet memory of a poem. I know this, so well. But, I just can't ever seem to get that distance thing down, or even really started.

PS--I wanted you to know how much I love your kind and thoughtful comments at my blog. Thanks!

Fireblossom said...

PS--laffin @ the "you sure write real good" reaction thingie. Don't need no stupid grammer!

Heaven said...

Nice use of the word use..use..use...echoing beautifully the falling out of love, and detachment. I like your reflective comments too.

Ending line is perfect.. perfect

" I’ve become like you with the distance.

Distant."

mythopolis said...

Such a huge and achy story here both in, and between, the lines....

rosaria said...

The poem is very touching, the need for love and intimacy, starts and end with distance. Bittersweet.

Amber Lee said...

Wonderful.

Rob-bear said...

The poem: sad, touching, mysterious.
When it comes to repetition, please do not repeat yourself repetitively. ;)

hedgewitch said...

Really like this Lydia--its conversational, matter of fact dryness just emphasizes the undercurrents, and the repetition is the perfect device for hammering home the shift point--really excellent stuff, and glad you enjoyed the prompt and my wheezing on about Poe and stuff.

Ann LeFlore said...

In some relationships it is like this you feel so used and it is hard once this has happened to go back and want to trust again. I think this poem captured this feeling so well
http://gatelesspassage.com/2011/09/24/loneliness-the-anger-of-lost-hope/

Owen said...

Lydia, this is simply beautiful...

Could work as a song as well as the lovely, cathartic, poem it is.

Be well...

Deborah said...

Sigh ... I felt this, so well written ... told.

Brian Miller said...

dang, nice spin poet...great depth of feeling to this...really felt through your words...and nice use of the repitition to bring this home...felt....

Lydia said...

Claudia~ Oh, that old Eurythmics song...I loved it, still do. Thanks much for your visit and comments.

Mary~ It sure is. I have compassion for the "me" that experienced those feelings and wrote the poem that this one was based on.

Fireblossom~ My pleasure always to visit and comment at your blog. No, you do not seem like one who could get the distance thing down. It is a rotten state of being, most definitely.
Glad you like that reaction thingie...I am still thinking of what to use in place of the ho-hum middle reaction thingie!

Heaven~ Thank you so much for your comments and the follow. I am honored. I appreciate your comments about this poem. :)

mythopolis~ I know. That distance thing is a hard pill to swallow and to then see growing in yourself. I don't want to go there again...

rosaria~ I was struck by your observation of the before and after, and thank you for the insight.

Amber Lee~ Thank you. :)

Rob-bear~ Thank you, thank you; I'll try not to, I'll try not to. :)

hedgewitch~ You certainly did not wheeze on in your prompt commentary. It was brilliant...better than an hour in a great college lit class!
I so appreciate your critique, and your observation of the "matter of fact dryness" contained in the poem because that is what being distant feels like. Give me love or hate, just don't give me complacency. :)

Ann LeFlore~ Thank you for the link to yours, as I will be catching up reading in the next day and look forward to reading it.
As to the trust issue, I am not convinced that it ever really returns to the same level it was before the hurt. I suppose it depends upon who enters your life afterward...

Owen~ Thank you for thinking it could be a song. Maybe a sorrowful country piece, I suppose.
And so you were in Paris the other day, eh? I saw the blip in my sidebar and will be by to read your post. Lucky you for just happening to find yourself in Paris!

Brian~ I am honored by your comments and thank you so much.
I am sure your wife has had a lovely birthday weekend and think you two sure know how to deep distance far away from your marriage!

Muhammad Israr said...

mysterious....mystery...misterio :)

so touching...you write amazingly both in prose and in poetry... love your writings....keep it up :)

Lydia said...

Muhammad Israr~ I love the way "misterio" looks when written!
I do so look forward to your visits and comments here, Muhammad! Your own writing and your friendship mean a lot to me.

Muhammad Israr said...

ah...you are so generous... i am just a part time new writer trying to combine random words which you call writings :) and same here..i too look forward to your visits and comments on my posts as it helps me improve.. :) sometimes i dont have internet access so i couldnt visit your blog and read it :( thats why late in commenting ...

Lydia said...

Muhammad Israr~ I will just always look forward to you being here when you are able! I can only imagine how demanding your field of study is and how little time you have away from it. That is one reason why I am so impressed with your creativity. :)

Muhammad Israr said...

yes as you know there are only 24hours in a day and we have to do everything inside this time so sometimes we are not able to do everything and someone is left...but still i try to reach out to a few people who are very dear to me on blogger :)
and wow...i am most honoured by your compliment... :)

Lydia said...

I do the same, try to reach out to those dear to me on blogger (while wishing there were time to visit more). This reminds me of a book I bought, and have enjoyed in portions but have not completed yet. Clear Blogging: How People Blogging Are Changing the World and How You Can Join Them. Back in 2007 it was ground-breaking stuff. I love the title!

I will see you at your blog, Muhammad. :)

Roxana said...

oh


this is brilliant, but there is something else about it, the poignancy of life lived and the courage of stepping in front of the world with one's bruised soul open -

and: the tags are as much Poetry as is the poem itself, love along the way to love, poetry as review of one's life - stunning.

Lydia said...

Roxana~ You are so kind and generous with your comments and insights. I love your visits here! Thank you, dear Roxana.

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