Caveats aside, my three tests yielded three different results. I took it the final time because I, admittedly, tweaked my answers the first two times to impress myself. I wasn't impressed. However, as with tests along this order, I found some truths in the results from the first two tests. Here, then, are clips from the first two:
#1 You are The Devil:
...Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction...
I don't balk at the devil analogy, as I find the piece I included here to be strikingly descriptive of my drinking days. Also, I truly believe in acknowledging and confronting our darker nature. It's something the counselors at treatment in 1985 pushed me to do. I was so adept then at compartmentalizing my life. I could switch on this sweet act, only it didn't fly with ex-addicts. They knew that if I didn't get real in that place that I'd never stay sober in the real world.
#2 You are The Sun:
...This is the light that comes after the long dark night, Apollo to the Moon's Diana. A positive card, it promises you your day in the sun...this card symbolizes discoveries made fully conscious and wide awake...It is a card of intellect, clarity of mind, and feelings of youthful energy.
The piece I included from the sun analogy reminded me of the sweet sunny act I used in my former dual existence. But it's not like that, of course. I take this as a reminder to myself that being positive, expecting my day in the sun, is no longer something that I need use to deflect a dark truth about me. It feels good to write about my darkness, as it feels good to express true happiness. Some days I feel a sense of beautiful well-being that fills me with joy. I wish there were more of them. I wish Mike would lighten up, too. Things can get awfully serious around our house and it drags me down.
It seems noteworthy that this description for the Sun card makes reference to another card, the Moon, the long dark night. Because when I took the test the third time, the time I was natural with my responses, it said that I am The Moon. Certainly, of the three the full results regarding The Moon felt the most authentic for me presently. As authentic as any online Tarot card test could be...
You are The Moon
Hope, expectation, Bright promises.
The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.
The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.
What Tarot Card are You?
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