Two-firsts
From a walk-in combo pantry and bar
He poured me a tumbler of chilled gin.
I drank—he showed off his dad's caviar.
We peered back at our childhoods from afar
Then tumbled together skin-in-skin.
Written for Poetics — First Times — at dVerse Poets hosted this week (for the first time) by Fred Rutherford, whose beautiful prompt post includes the most atmospheric description of the Poets Pub, it's spirit and community. I wrote about the predictable "first" in the cinquain poetic form.
Image: Loss_of_Innocence by Never_let_me_go, via InVitr0 - The Talent Incubator (check out the artistic video announcing the latest call: Loss of Virginity)
.
14 comments:
smiles...he knew how to play the game...smiles...ok maybe it was not as predetermined as that, but it has the elements to allure...smiles.
Compact rhyme, a scene with reflection and then falling into the act of coming together and merging. Cool writing.
Packs a lot of punch, and I am still wanting to know more ~ I definitely like tumbling skin in skin ~
ha..gin and caviar and childhood suddenly seems to be lightyears back...
The first experience of popping fish eggs against the hard palate is unforgettable, eh? :-)
That picture is provocative.
As for me, I am still waiting for my first, of course.
Lydia, really nicely done. Great take, two first in one, amazed how much scenery and tone you were able to illustrate in the cinquain form, a shorter form for sure, but one I always feel has so much to offer because of the focus it brings. And, thank you so much for the nice write up of my post for Poetics, really glad you enjoyed and appreciated it. So glad you shared today. Thanks
Ohhhh!
LOVE this!
When I saw that picture the first person I thought of was Fireblossom. ;_)
This is a cutting cinquain, yet also seems to hold some warmth, as well as insight (in the peering, among other things.)
I've notice most of the poets of the female persuasion, including myself, have chosen this particular sort of 'first time' for the prompt, while almost none of the male ones have. I think that says a lot about the way we're wired.
'noticed' not notice. sigh.
I like that you avoided a value judgement about the "firsts" in the poem. It leaves it up to us - I'm imagining a happy kind of first (for both). I wish they happened more often.
Brian~ Yes he did and yes it was. You got it.
Ravenblack~ Thank you very much.
Heaven~ The rest of the story is unique, most definitely.
Claudia~ Yes, lightyears.....
Sabio~ Verry funny!
Fireblossom~ Yes it is, and of course you are, sure.
Fred~ Many thanks for your kind words and validation on trying the form for this prompt (a great prompt).
rosaria~ Glad you do!!
hedgewitch~ I agree the image is Fireblossomesque!
Thank you for your comment and for the insight into what the prompt drew out of those in the community. So fascinating.
Amber Lee~ Your comment was so interesting to me because I never would think of placing value judgments on those firsts. I wish the happy kind happened more often, too. Much chaos prevailed following mine, however.
Brilliant poem with such a gorgeous image. Wow.
Kathe~ Geez, just found your comment. Sorry to not reply with my thanks.
Post a Comment