I've been faithful in my practice. Still keeping it simple. I'm finding the meditation following morning (or early afternoon) yoga is extremely meaningful to me; I need to go deeper. But there's so much chaos in my life, so many to-do's that keep me from knowing my inner being, how I've changed, what's really making me tick these days. I guess that being aware that I'm on the surface of things is a start in the right direction. Am I close to a breakthrough? I sense something bubbling, like there is newness ready to crash through the shell of the old.
I did not go to the first of three fiddle lessons in the city park last week. The day turned out to be one of our hottest. So now I've got myself in a position that once was a familiar pattern: setting myself up to fail. I either go next Wednesday and stay in the background so I don't drag down the students that were there the first week, or I forget this year's workshop and begin addressing the issue of private or small group lessons with Eadie, the teacher.
When I was auditing, the office hired a psychologist/consultant to run some staff workshops. In a private moment he once said this to me: Most people have a fear of failure. You seem to have a fear of success.