I've been faithful in my practice. Still keeping it simple. I'm finding the meditation following morning (or early afternoon) yoga is extremely meaningful to me; I need to go deeper. But there's so much chaos in my life, so many to-do's that keep me from knowing my inner being, how I've changed, what's really making me tick these days. I guess that being aware that I'm on the surface of things is a start in the right direction. Am I close to a breakthrough? I sense something bubbling, like there is newness ready to crash through the shell of the old.
I did not go to the first of three fiddle lessons in the city park last week. The day turned out to be one of our hottest. So now I've got myself in a position that once was a familiar pattern: setting myself up to fail. I either go next Wednesday and stay in the background so I don't drag down the students that were there the first week, or I forget this year's workshop and begin addressing the issue of private or small group lessons with Eadie, the teacher.
When I was auditing, the office hired a psychologist/consultant to run some staff workshops. In a private moment he once said this to me: Most people have a fear of failure. You seem to have a fear of success.
So far so good with my commitment to daily yoga in July. It mystifies me that I couldn't do this on my own, that it required pledging my intentions to the online yoga group. This further confirms an understanding of myself gained in the past decade or so: that I'm not necessarily a self-starter. That's not good or bad, but when I first came to grips with the fact it surprised me.
Here I am in 2003 practicing yoga with Flat Stanley, the little flat guy propped up against my leg. Parents of grammar- and middle school-age children probably recognize the name quickly. This particular version was created by my nephew, Micah, who at that time was in second grade. I opened the mail one day in May to find Flat Stanley and a letter written by his teacher describing the project. He was to stay with Mike and me for a determined amount of time and we were asked to treat him as a member of the family during that time, including him in our daily lives. Then we were asked to return him to Micah's teacher, along with a report of Flat Stanley's time with us, after which she would share all the students' Flat Stanleys adventures with the class. The whole thing so enchanted me that I decided to make a photo journal for Micah. It turned out so well that my sis said they'd keep it forever (individual projects were returned to students after class sharing and discussion).
I was sorry to learn online that The Official Flat Stanley Project is threatened now, it seems due partly to its enormous success. It's a convoluted problem and if you have the inclination you can learn more at the link.
Since I have these photos pulled from storage I might as well feature more of Flat Stanley's 2003 visit with Aunt Lydia and Uncle Mike. Check back over the three-day weekend to see what other activities we shared with the little flat guy.
Yogamum, the originator of WoYoPracMo, a yoga web group, has proclaimed July to be an Official WoYo Practice Every Day month. I'm one of 294 members in this group and quite likely one who most needs the incentive of knowing that there are others committing to daily yoga this month. One of the members posted this funny puppet video, Puppetji vs Yoga, that I'm sharing here.I've been doing Iyengar yoga since 2000. I love it and have no excuse or understanding, really, of why I've slacked off since last September. A recent excuse is the crazy schedule I've been keeping for about three months. I've been staying up writing, blogging, and reading other blogs into the wee morning hours and getting up mid-morning. The sleep deprivation is beginning to catch up with me and I need to get back into a saner, more regular schedule, one that allows for morning yoga and sometimes an evening practice also.
If I showed up at my former yoga class I think it would surprise the heck out of Teri, the teacher. To grow my at-home practice, I used to go on Wednesday mornings to a local class given inside an old meeting hall (there is another yoga class given at the hospital). Contrary to what this cute puppet says, my fellow yoga students never got on my nerves. This isn't a trendy group of people wearing the latest yoga attire color-coded to match their sticky mats. Most are women and men my age, perfume- and fart-free, very down-to-earth people. I feel guilty that I strayed away, but I was frustrated that as my daily practice was evolving to more difficult poses the yoga class was stuck back in the beginning. Teri is so kind that whenever a new person, and total beginner, comes to class she usually conducts the class geared for that person. I just wasn't growing, so decided to do yoga at home only. I did quite well for about a year practicing regularly at home, then began to give myself a day off here and there, then a week, then duh...
When I was at the grocery store a few months ago I saw a former yoga class member, Ike, in the produce section. Ike said that he had also stopped going to Teri's classes because he got tired of her "dumbing down" the class for beginners. He now drives to Portland 40 miles twice a week to what he described as a dream Ashtanga yoga class at a studio that caters mainly to athletes and future yoga teachers. I told Ike that I'll watch the paper to see if he starts teaching Iyengar in our area in the future (I have a feeling that is his plan).
I'm not giving up on Teri's class, however. This is a small town and she wouldn't be able to attract enough students of varying levels to offer additional classes. She may have, in the time I've been AWOL, figured out how to accommodate all concerned. At the very least, I'd be doing better than I have lately if I used her class to supplement a home practice.
So I am excited to begin my yoga practice anew. I'll be more like myself in no time.
