I've been faithful in my practice. Still keeping it simple. I'm finding the meditation following morning (or early afternoon) yoga is extremely meaningful to me; I need to go deeper. But there's so much chaos in my life, so many to-do's that keep me from knowing my inner being, how I've changed, what's really making me tick these days. I guess that being aware that I'm on the surface of things is a start in the right direction. Am I close to a breakthrough? I sense something bubbling, like there is newness ready to crash through the shell of the old.
I did not go to the first of three fiddle lessons in the city park last week. The day turned out to be one of our hottest. So now I've got myself in a position that once was a familiar pattern: setting myself up to fail. I either go next Wednesday and stay in the background so I don't drag down the students that were there the first week, or I forget this year's workshop and begin addressing the issue of private or small group lessons with Eadie, the teacher.
When I was auditing, the office hired a psychologist/consultant to run some staff workshops. In a private moment he once said this to me: Most people have a fear of failure. You seem to have a fear of success.
12 comments:
Hi lydia-
First of all, I read about that show in my local newspaper's blurb about the new shows of the summer and how its not such a great lineup this year. So I havent watched any of them. But thats quite funny and I must say a little too caring....for a dog I mean. Anyway...
The link that you have on the word "practice" leading to your previous post got messed up, you put http one too many times I think. Instead of "http://www.http.com//writerquake.blogspot.com/2008/07/om-to-future.html", it should be "http://www.writerquake.blogspot.com/2008/07/om-to-future.html". So just pointing that out.
Thirdly, I really like you new graphic thats up that has the waves washing over sand...Sorry about not noticing before, but I usually look at your entries by feed, and not through the website. But I must say it looks quite good.
-Adam
Reading here began to wonder if there's really a difference between fear of failure and the reverse. Isn't it always about what happens when I take the next step? This is very familiar.
Giving ourselves permission to have a very personal clock for steps--that's important too. Recently it seems that many people are benefitting from yoga. Why not me--or is it not quite my time.
Hi Adam!
Great to hear from you. Maybe this means you've posted something new in your blog since I looked yesterday and I'll be over to confirm. Glad you like the sand-waves graphic. And thanks so much for pointing out the error in my link. I changed it when I first read your message today. This reminds me of how much I learned from you in the early days of my blog, and I'll always be appreciative of that!
Dear Naomi,
Ah, I love your wisdom. If something I'm feeling sounds familiar to you then I feel better about my direction. Your personality seems a fit for yoga to me, but maybe it isn't your time just yet (maybe is). In the class that I was in - and may return to - there were two knitters, one world traveler, a few small town natives, and new retirees: all sharing a love of reading and a passion for peace.
BEWARE OF LONG COMMENT:
(You don't have to post it)
"Most people have a fear of failure. You seem to have a fear of success."
Believe it or not, someone has said this same exact thing to me before.....it really makes a lot more sense to me that way.
Last week at Acupuncture, they were trying to get to the root of my continued neck problems......we always come back to my job......and the fact that my heart wants desperately to do what I love most.
The emotional connection I now have with this job plays a huge role in my daily pain/discomfort. I never really thought of it that way, until they made the distinction.
They asked me why I can't move on.....that's a really tough question you know?! I told them a bs answer that I don't want to leave my employer because they rely on me A LOT.....but the truth is that, I'm just plain ol' scared. Scared of what will and won't happen. Paralyzed by possibilities. I'm really trying to get used to the idea of doing something that isn't 'office work'. Something for myself......
They administered a "special" point, one that was supposed to help me make these tough decisions toward my goals.
You know what was really weird, the next week at work (last week), all sorts of things began to come to the surface about my desires. My boss actually had a sit down talk with me about my "plans", and I honestly told him what I had been thinking and feeling......it felt really good to let them know that I don't plan to be in this job for the long haul.....I have bigger and better things ahead of me! I didn't have to say anything.....the universe did all of the work?!?!
*Sorry again for such a loooong comment, I nearly deleted it!
Hey lydia-
You're very welcome about the link correction. And yes, I could TRY to produce a comic of my own; with most likely disasterous results.
Our newspaper also had that month where they introduced 4 new strips and each ran for a week of the month, and then there was a vote. I also like the feeling of getting top ick what I read.
-Adam
WW,
I was pleased to print your comment, as it was rich with interesting points on this whole topic. It makes total sense to me that your job has created much of your pain. When you described your "emotional connection" to the job it sounded so familiar. I was so invested in my 'office work' job(s) that they, too, made me sick. I think you are slighting yourself a bit when you say that you didn't have to do a thing in that meeting with your boss, in which the real you did the talking. You've had your amazing blog for a year now, and through it you have found your wings. But you are the photographer/poet who made it happen, and the universe couldn't help but smile on you. :) I see that you have an Etsy shop now and think it's absolutely terrific. The next step on your road to those bigger and better things that await you.
p.s. Just about daily I thank God that I was able to step away from the grind and have the opportunity to listen to my soul.
Adam,
I have a feeling you would create a most clever comic strip. Your mind runs like a top and you have a unique way of looking at the world.
I've been a faithful practitioner of yoga and of mediation for over 20 years. I prefer a morning practice time but lately I've felt the need to remove myself from the hubbub and meditate in the afternoon as well. The more busy and crazy things get the more I need to take practice breaks and as tourist season is in full swing now I'm likely to be expanding my practice by scheduling in an evening session too.
I have blog that I would like to recommend to you http://www.ya-ttitude.com/blog
Stay well and choose to be happy.
Timethief,
You are an inspiration. That you've maintained a yoga and meditation practice for 20 years is wonderful. I practiced twice daily for some years, then fell out of the practice. You're reminding me that a morning and evening practice is not only do-able, but may be a necessity.
I'm off to check out the site you recommended; thank you!
oh we all fear success ... maybe because when we let our light shine we know there are no excuses ... and then we learn success is not what we imagined in the first place. Nelson Mandela's inaugural speech has a beautiful quote like this -- "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us."
Honour,
You've offered new insight on this fear factor as it relates to failure/success. I think you and Nelson Mandela have the right idea, one that both comforts and challenges me. I was in the 1990 ticker-tape parade crowd in New York City when Nelson Mandela was honored in the "Canyon of Heroes." In his case, hero is the appropriate word.
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